


Am I Wrong?

by WorldPeace9696



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Asian Character(s), Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Fanfiction, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Jock and Nerd, Loss of Virginity, Mystery, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance, Sex, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-26 23:23:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20397856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorldPeace9696/pseuds/WorldPeace9696
Summary: For me, life at Liberty High is like trying to survive as a lamb caught in between a pride of lions. Once the prey has got his eyes set on you, there's barely a chance left for survival. But maybe, just maybe, I'll be saved... before my innocence is tainted. [Justin Foley/OC]





	1. Chapter 1

Before I met Hannah Baker, I was a wallflower—simply because I chose to be one. Because I figured out at an early stage of my teenage life that humans can be complicated and dangerous, sometimes full of betrayal. It was the outcome of this revelation that made me decide to become the invisible girl. It was an effective technique with the whole point being that no one could bully you if no one knew you existed. But this all changed starting around the time that Hannah became the new student at Liberty High, and _everything _haschanged ever since.

My breath feels shaky as I let out a long sigh. I still feel so rattled by what has happened. Hannah Baker left us like a hurricane, abandoning us to deal with the aftermath of a disaster, but I can't blame her. Not when she's dead and not when she was a victim throughout her time here. 

Now that she's gone, I can't shake off the feeling of emptiness inside of me which seems to be haunting my very soul. My body feels so weak as I think about her. I can't stop myself from wondering if she would still be alive if I had put in my full efforts to actually be a friend to her and if I hadn't...

"Hey, Gina."

My shoulders raise into a jump as I get completely spooked out of my thoughts. I take a step back before shutting my locker closed. "Gosh. Clay, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to," he says quickly.

Our eyes meet and I observe his blue irises for a moment. Unlike another pair of blue eyes that I know, I can't tell what he is thinking. But then again, I can't tell what the other pair of blue eyes that I know is thinking these days either. 

"It's okay," I quickly reply as I pick up my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. I want to leave immediately because his presence reminds me of _her_, but I decide to make small talk just out of courtesy. He _did_ stop by to say hi to me in the first place. It would be rude to not engage him into a conversation. "Um, how are you?"

"Just okay," he shrugs. "You?"

"Um. Okay too I guess," I give him a short answer. My voice sounds so dead. 

We walk side by side in silence, but nothing is awkward. If anything, I feel nothing but sadness. We reach the end of the hallway and the view of Hannah's old locker appears into my sight. I can't help but freeze as I take it all in.

It's eerie seeing her old locker decorated with flowers, letters, and photos because it's just another reminder that this is our new reality. She's really gone and there's nothing that anyone can do to bring her back.

It's messed up how even after what happened with Hannah, everything that has been going on at Liberty High keeps happening. It's like _they _haven't learned their lesson. 

Two girls are standing in front of Hannah's locker. I recognize their faces, but I can't seem to remember their names.

"She was so pretty," one of them says.

"Totally," her friend confirms.

They take a quick selfie.

"What is it again?"

"Hashtag. Never forget."

I want to say something to them. I want to tell them how wrong it is to fix your hair before posing in front of a dead girl's locker, but of course I keep to myself. I'm in no position to tell them anything. Not when I didn't do anything to help Hannah when she was alive.

"Oh. Hi, Gina!" They smile at me.

"Hey," I say with a friendly smile, trying to sound like I recognize them because I know that I've seen them somewhere before. Things changed for me last year. I used to be the invisible girl, but not anymore. Not since I started dating one of the jocks, something that I never imagined could ever happen. 

The bell rings, but strangely I don't feel the need to rush to class. Today, I don't even care if I'm tardy or not. Worrying about something like that seems way too trivial at this point, even for someone like me who hasn't had any absences or tardies so far throughout high school.

I feel reluctant to step away from Hannah's locker. I really don't want to go to class because it means that I have to pretend like everything is okay when it isn't.

"Babe, what are you doing here? With him?" a firm voice asks, bordering on a defensive tone.

I let my boyfriend's arm wrap around my shoulders as he pulls me into the side of his body. I'm so used to this kind of blatant and overprotective gesture coming from him, but it seems strange that he would do this in front of Clay. Why would he need to be so defensive over me in front of _him_? Clay and I aren't even that close. Not anymore.

I glance up at Justin and I see dark circles under his eyes. I'm concerned because they look severe. It seems like he hasn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, or maybe for a couple of nights. I wouldn't know. I haven't really seen him around lately. He's been distant, probably because of Hannah. I'm sure her death has affected him in a negative way like it has for the rest of the school.

My mouth parts open just a little so that I can say something to him, but nothing comes out. There's nothing but silence between us. My heart thuds aggressively against my chest. I'm nervous to see him. Although Justin has been drifting away from me, so I have I. Truthfully, I've been trying to avoid him since last week.

I know I need to be honest with him, but I don't know if I can at the moment. I'm scared of our future.

I look into his pretty blue eyes that melts every girl he meets, the same pair of eyes that are making me feel so vulnerable right now. I feel naked under his stare and I want to escape immediately. I'm aware of the situation that is occurring and I feel the weakest that I've ever been in my entire life. I don't want him to look at me because I'm so afraid. My mind starts creating scenarios, things that could go wrong if what I fear has happened to me is really true and if people find out about it. 

With Justin standing right by me, I suddenly feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I thought I was prepared to tell him, but I don't think I am anymore. The last thing that I see before I break eye contact and pull away from him is his knitted eyebrows and his sad expression. I wonder if he's sad about Hannah or about us. Maybe both. We're obviously still together, but something feels different.

"We were just... talking."

Gosh, that sounded so lame. I quickly think of an excuse to leave and I go with the obvious one. 

"Well, I...I've got to get to class. You should too," I mumble. "Call me later?"

He nods.

"Okay," I say without taking a single glance back because I'm worried that I'll experience a nervous breakdown if I look at him again.

I try to stay strong by walking in a fast tempo. It's when I'm a couple of feet down the hallway that I realize that I've been holding my breath. I let out another shaky sigh before I get my breathing to return back to normal.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hear Justin asking in a demanding tone and I know that he is talking to Clay. 

But why? What has Clay ever done to him?

"Nothing, I'm just-"

"Looking for something?"

I can't help but get curious as to why Justin is even talking to Clay right now. I know it's wrong to spy on my boyfriend, but I can't help it. Since I'm already late to class, I decide to stick around a little longer. Neither of the two boys are looking in my direction so I hide in the girl's bathroom, pressing my back tightly against the wall so that I can still hear somewhat of their conversation. Good thing the janitor left the door open. 

"What would I be looking for?" Clay's voice questions.

"You tell me."

"Do you even know my name?"

"'Course I do, Clay. You're not that innocent, Jensen. I don't give a shit what she says."

A frown develops on my lips as I try to figure out what Justin means by that. What does he mean that Clay isn't that innocent? And who is this _she_ that he is talking about?

I quickly step away from the door when I see Mr. Porter approaching. He orders the two guys to get to class. They all disperse into their separate ways and I'm left alone in silence to try to understand what happened. But the more I think, the more confused I get.

* * *

At the end of the day, I make my way through the crowds of kids who are leaving school because I'm an English tutor and I have to stay at the library a few times a week after classes end. I arrive at the library and as I take a seat at my usual spot, I remember what happened last year around this time.

_Justin Foley was one of the students who were assigned to me for tutoring. I assumed that his grades in English were slipping and that he needed help maintaining a C or higher in order to keep playing sports at our school. I was new at tutoring and Justin was only my third student so far. I still felt that it was difficult to explain my thoughts clearly to the person that I was tutoring. It was hard not to just tell them to fix this and that. I really wanted to give into doing that at times, but tutoring was all about explaining and having the person learn and be able to apply their new skills to their future assignments. _

_I hoped that this Justin guy would actually listen to me and make things easier for the both of us. I wasn't ecstatic about tutoring someone like him, so I wanted our sessions to quickly be over. In order for that to happen, I needed to tutor him well. That way, he'd never have to come back once we got his grades up._

_He came in wearing his Liberty Tigers Varsity Jacket that first day. He was surprisingly on time, early actually. I assumed that it was so that he could leave early too. _

_"Hey. Are you Gia?"_

_I was the only person sitting inside the main section of the library, so I wasn't surprised when he correctly identified that I was his tutor. What he didn't get right though was my name._

_"Gina," I corrected him, feeling slightly annoyed._

_We had been in classes together before. I knew his name, but he didn't know mine. Did he even recognize me? Probably not. But then again, I'd chosen to be "invisible" around here. I barely even had any friends other than maybe Clay, who had become my friend ever since we both started tutoring recently. _

_He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms. "Right, Gina. You're supposed to be my tutor." He didn't look all too happy to be there and I didn't blame him._

_I nodded, trying to be as nonchalant as I could appear in front of him. Jocks like him made me self-conscious and nervous. As a matter of fact, all popular kids made me feel this way. After all, they were the ones who were often infamously known to bully other students around here. Liberty High was such a stereotypical school, like the high school created within the movie of _Mean Girls_, except it was worse here. I couldn't wait for college._

_"So what are we working on today?" I asked._

_"Um... A literary analysis? I'm not really too sure of what that is."_

_"Can I see the rubric?"_

_I wondered if I had spoken alien language to him when he just stared at me._

_I felt my face heating up with embarrassment for some reason and I turned my head away from him and looked down at the table. "Um... The instructions that your teacher probably gave your class? You know, with the grading expectations and whatnot."_

_"Oh, right. That should be here somewhere," he said as he rummaged through his backpack where most of the papers were bent and disorganized. "Here."_

_I took a quick look over the requirements before asking, "Which book did you want to write about?"_

_"To tell you the truth, I really don't know. I didn't read any of them..."_

_I was surprised to see him actually looking sheepish about it. Did I... intimidate him? No way. It was difficult not to smile along him as his lips attractively curved upward, but I managed to fight the urge to do so. _

_"Justin, this essay is due in three days," I told him. _

_"I know," he groaned._

_I sighed. "Okay. We can do this, but we're going to be relying heavily on Sparknotes."_

_"Spark what?" he repeated._

Justin seemed a little arrogant and impatient at first, but there was something about him that was annoyingly charming at the same time. It had to have been his smile. His mischievous smile. 

As I tutored him more and more, I began falling for him. There was something special about Justin.Whenever he glanced into my eyes and smiled, I just completely melted. I felt angry at myself when I first realized that I had developed a crush on a guy like him. He was Bryce Walker's friend. Therefore, he was probably another one of those_ fuckboys_. He was basically bad news.

For a girl like me who fantasized about meeting a boyfriend who was a romantic, Justin was someone dangerous to have a crush on. If I wanted to act smart, I needed to keep my one-sided feelings under control. I needed to treat him as a guy that I was tutoring and nothing more. But that evidently became hard, especially as time went by.

_"I can't believe you made me come to a party with you," I said to Clay as we entered the crowded house full of teenagers._

_I still couldn't figure out why I had come with him as I fidgeted nervously next to him. This was definitely way out of my comfort zone. I wasn't even dressed to be at a party in just my red plaid shirt and regular blue jeans. Compared to some other girls here, I looked like a fashion terrorist._

_"I'm persuasive. That's why," Clay replied and I nodded in agreement. _

_Secretly, I realized that I had come because I was genuinely curious. I wanted to know what it was like to blend in with the other kids. _

_"So uh, you're here to see Hannah," I commented. "You have a crush on her, don't you?"_

_"No, I don't," he quickly said, but his voice went up into a higher pitch and I knew that he was lying._

_"It's okay. I'll keep it a secret," I told him, meaning what I said. He looked like he was about to say something—to probably try and tell me that I was wrong—but he never got to say it._

_"He came! Clay's here!"_

_The owner of the voice was Katherine, or Kat as everyone called her. She was one of the popular kids too. Maybe not all the way up there, but somewhat. I liked her. She seemed pretty nice for being one of them. Next to her was Hannah, the new girl. I guessed they were friends._

_"I win. You owe me five dollars," Hannah said to Kat as the two of them made their way down the stairs to meet us._

_"You bet on me?" Clay asked Kat._

_"Against you," Hannah clarified._

_"Last party I saw Clay at... Mm, my birthday, fourth grade," Kat revealed._

_Clay nodded. "I still remember that clown."_

_"Mm. Oh my god! He was a heroin addict," Kat explained. "My mother, the social worker, hired a recovering heroin addict. He had the shakes. Anyway, hi Gina. Did you come here with Clay?"_

_"You remember me?" I ended up asking instead of answering her question and I immediately felt embarrassed._

_"Of course I do!" she said with a smile. "We had ninth grade English together. I ended up reading that book you did your report on because it sounded so good."_

_"Really?"_

_"Mm hmm," she nodded. "So tell me, how do you and Clay know each other?"_

_"We're both tutors," I told her._

_"Oh," she said. "So you're not together?"_

_"No," Clay and I answered at the same time._

_"God no," he added._

_"Wow, thanks," I said sarcastically._

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that we're just friends."_

_"Obviously," Kat concluded as she motioned for us to follow after her. _ _"Okay, uh, drinks. Come on."_

_"Hi, Kat!"_

_"Hey," Kat said to a girl with a smile before greeting a few other kids._

_I wondered how it would feel to be popular. Maybe it wouldn't be so scary to be a high school student if you were._

_"This is quite a turnout. People are happy to see you go," Clay said._

_"I really just threw it so Hannah could finally meet some people before I depart this realm," Kat replied while putting her red cup down onto the kitchen island._

_"I met Helmet," Hannah said, which I now knew was her nickname for Clay. He did ride his bicycle everywhere. _

_"Clay doesn't count. You met him at work."_

_"I feel like that should count," Clay said to Kat._

_"Of course you do," she replied. "Okay, refills. Clay, what is your drink?"_

_"Uh, Sprite."_

_"Oh my God. You are priceless. You are a gem. You'll have a beer."_

_"Sure, I like beer," Clay said slowly._

_"And a beer for you as well?" Kat asked me. _

_"I'm... going to have to pass up the offer."_

_"Really? You don't want to try?"_

_I shook my head while worrying that she would try to peer pressure me, so I was relieved when she moved on. _

_"Kat," Tyler approached with his camera._

_"Oh. Picture."_

_Kat brought all of us together before striking a pose. I awkwardly smiled as Tyler took the picture. He gave us a thumbs up and Kat left, probably to grab Clay some beer. _

_"Stop having so much fun, Clay," Hannah said sarcastically._

_"I'm having fun. Totally. Woot. Right, Gina?"_

_"Uh, sure," I said._

_Hannah reached for Clay's collar. "You're too buttoned up," she said before unbuttoning him. I watched them laughing together and I briefly wondered if Hannah liked Clay back. That would be nice. _

_"Hey, you're the new girl."_

_My eyes shifted over to see Bryce Walker standing next to Hannah. _

_"Apparently," she said._

_"Uh, I like your laugh," he said and I fought the urge to roll my eyes right in front of him._

_"Thanks," she said. "I like your understated sense of fashion."_

_He laughed. "Thanks."_

_"Bryce," Kat said, coming back from out of nowhere. "Better go hit the keg and catch up. You're an hour behind."_

_"I'll see you later. I hope," Bryce said with a smile._

_"See you," Hannah replied, looking a little shy._

_"Oh, God. No. Solid no, Hannah," Kat said while handing out the new drinks. "He is like frat boy Darth Vader."_

_"He didn't seem that bad," Hannah said in response._

_"I was being kind," Kat told her._

_"She kind of was," Clay added._

_"I think I want a beer too," Hannah said all of a sudden. _

_"Okay then, Princess Leia," Kat said, putting her hands up in surrender._

_"Oh my God. You're both nerds," Hannah said before laughing. "Have fun."_

_I guess I was one too for understanding that reference._

_Kat leaned forward when Hannah left. "Are you gonna tell her?"_

_"Tell her what?" Clay asked._

_"Oh, please. I've known you this entire century."_

_"Is it that obvious?" Clay asked, looking at me this time and I nodded. "Well, give me a break. I'm not good with the... you know and the gay rumors only recently subsided."_

_"Mmm. So the stakes are high for you," Kat concluded._

_"It's like, around her, I can be different. You know? Like I'm the new and improved Clay Jensen: high school sophomore, archaeologist-slash-adventurer."_

_"Clay, sweets. You're a prize," Kat said as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But from my limited observation, she has terrible taste in guys."_

_"You won't say anything to her?" Clay asked, hoping that she wouldn't._

_"Only if it comes up," she said with a teasing glint in her eyes._

_"Kat!" he objected, but she had already left._

_Tugging Clay by the arm of his shirt, I made him follow after me. If he wanted a chance to get with Hannah, it was a good idea to stick by her side. We were soon reunited with Kat and Hannah, but the house was getting too loud and filled with too many people. _

_"It's getting kind of hot in here," Kat stated. "Shall we out and get some fresh air?"_

_We went outside and immediately noticed the two athletes, Justin and Zach, who were wrestling with each other as the sprinklers drenched them with water. Poor timing for them I supposed._

_"Meet the boys," Kat said. "Jack Foley is mine and Zach Dempsey for you."_

_It was then that I realized that Justin was already taken. Of course he was, but I hadn't really paid attention to him before I started tutoring him. I didn't know that he and Kat were together. But then again, in high school, a lot of relationships didn't last. Maybe it was because I hadn't been a relationship before, but I couldn't imagine being so seriously in love with someone in high school that I would want to consider being in an actual relationship with them. Could that even be possible?_

_My heart ached as I thought more about how I could never be with an attractive guy like Justin. He would never want to be with someone like me._

_"Zach Dempsey? Really?" Clay questioned Kat's choice for Hannah._

_"What? Zach's sweet," Kat said, which was super ironic to say as he was currently still wrestling with Justin on the ground. "Okay. Yeah, he's kind of dumb. But he's the sweet kind of dumb, which is the best kind."_

_She placed her cup down and started clapping for them. "Yes. Liberty High's star athletes, ladies and gentlemen. So impressive. Sorry, boys. Can't have you in Hannah's house soaking wet."_

_"Seriously?" Justin questioned._

_"Oh my God. Look at yourselves," Kat said, gesturing towards them. _

_Suddenly, Justin took his shirt off. "Better?" he asked with a confident grin on his face._

_He looked so comfortable in his skin and he probably was with the kind of body that he had. For a sophomore in high school, he was lean and muscular, which made sense since he was an athlete. But still, I was caught off guard. I felt like I was committing a sin for looking at him when his upper torso was naked like that. However, Justin didn't seem to care at all whether or not people were looking._

_I noticed that he had tattoos and that made him seem even more dangerous than he already was. In California, you weren't allowed to get a tattoo if you were under the age of eighteen, which he definitely was. That meant that he had gotten them illegally and his parents probably didn't have a clue. _

_"Improvement for sure, but sorry. It's still a no-go," Kat told him._

_"Come on. It's not a party without us," Zach said._

_"We'll take our chances," Kat replied. "Go dry off."_

_"Your loss, milady," Justin said in an English accent, which was actually kind of funny._

_"Idiots. I can't even," Kat complained, but she was smiling._

_"But they're sweet idiots," Clay added sarcastically before following Kat back into the house._

_I noticed Hannah exchanging smiles with Justin as I walked behind her. I had a feeling that she liked him and she was actually really beautiful. I wondered if this meant that when Kat officially left, she and Justin would become the next couple. _


	2. Chapter 2

I never called Justin last night and he never called me. I'm kind of relieved because I'm not prepared to talk to him, but I'm worried at the same time. It's like we're falling apart.

I sigh as I trudge towards my school bus. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should get on it today. I wish I had a car, but I don't even have my driver's license yet and I'm in no position to even ask Mom for a car.

I feel frustrated. I just need to get to the local pharmacy, but how do I even get there? I guess I could walk, but it would take me at least half an hour to get there directly here from school and that's still closer than me trying to get there from home.

I decide to walk to the pharmacy now and reach into the sweater of my hoodie to find my earphones because I might as well listen to some music on my long journey. The last song that I was listening to earlier today starts playing: Family of the Year's "Carry Me." Although the song is meant to cheer one up when they're facing difficult times, I feel that it's strangely depressing to listen to right now. As I switch to a different song, a loud HONK scares me.

Shielding my body away from the unexpected noise as if it could actually hurt me, I look for the source of it. Everyone standing within my sight seems to be looking behind me so I follow their gaze, which leads me to see Zach who's driving his gray Audi. He waves at me while stopping his car right next to the curb where I'm standing as I clutch my phone and earphones in my hands.

"You know you almost gave me a heart attack," I inform him.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I was trying to get your attention, but you couldn't hear my voice," he says while pointing his index finger towards his ear to indicate that he knew that I had my earphones plugged in. "So I had to use the horn."

"Right," I end up saying before wondering why he's stopped me. "So uh... What's up?"

"Nothing much. Was just wondering if you needed a ride."

"Oh. Actually, yeah. That'd be nice."

"Come on. Get in," he encourages me with a tilt of his head.

It's not my first time being in his car, but it feels different without Justin around.

"Thanks."

"No problem," he says.

"So do you happen to know where Justin is?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"Justin," I repeat. "I didn't see him in class today."

He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe he skipped."

_That's weird_, I think. I'll have to ask him about it later and check if everything is okay. That is, if I find the courage to do so. 

I frown before fiddling with my fingers out of a nervous habit. "Can we stop by the pharmacy before you take me home?"

"Uh, sure. You picking up a prescription?" he asks as he takes his eyes off of the road for a short second to wiggle his eyebrows at me.

"I'm not picking up birth control," I end up blurting. "I just need some... feminine care products."

He doesn't say anything and there's a pause between us.

"You know, like pads and tampons? Stuff for-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know," he finally says, almost as if he's disgusted.

I roll my eyes. "How do you boys even have sex when you're too scared of talking about the subject of periods?"

A year ago, I would have blushed by even saying the word 'sex.' It's amazing what a whole year can do to you.

"I'm not scared!" he yelps, which causes me to laugh.

A few minutes later, we arrive. Thankfully, Zach has decided to stay in his car while I buy what I need.

I go inside and start looking for what I came here to buy.

"Hi there. Is there anything that I can help you find today?" an employee asks as he organizes the shelves with new products. 

I quickly shake my head. "No, I'm all right. Thank you," I respond, although I have no idea where anything is.

My eyes scan up and down the aisles until I get to the last one. I bite my lip with anxiety as I grab the pregnancy test.

I asked for a double bag so that it's impossible for Zach to see what I bought. Not that I think he really cares after I falsely hinted at him that I was buying stuff for my period. 

He brings me home and I thank him before running to the porch. I see his car disappearing down the street as I find my keys. To my surprise, the door opens before I can even get the key into the lock.

"You didn't take the bus today?" Mom questions me in Korean with a raised eyebrow.

I didn't expect her to be home at this time. I'm so glad that I decided to put the plastic bag into my backpack earlier so that I wouldn't have to carry it in my hands when I went inside. I'm sure if she saw me holding a bag from the pharmacy, she'd question me about it and eventually discover what I bought.

"I- uh, no," I reply to her in Korean as I always do. "Zach gave me a ride today."

"And what about Justin?"

I'm pretty sure that she switches up her work schedule every once in a while to see if I'll secretly bring him home after school or not.

"He went to his other friend's place."

I don't think she would know who Bryce was, so I left out his name.

"Okay. Make sure you don't bring any friends over when I'm not here and that includes your boyfriend," she warns and I nod.

Yeah... I've definitely broken that rule a bunch of times before. But once Mom leaves, she's gone until maybe ten thirty, or eleven at the latest. She's a waitress and she comes home late, which is why I haven't been caught sneaking Justin in and sneaking myself out. I feel bad for lying to her, but she's so conservative and never lets me do anything. This is my way of trying to live a normal life I guess, or maybe it falls more under a form of rebellion.

I say goodbye to Mom and I run up the stairs. I listen as I hear the garage door opening. A moment later, it closes and I see Mom's car driving away. I quickly take out the pregnancy test and make my way to the bathroom.

_Dang it. I don't think I have to pee now, _I realize before grabbing my water bottle from the side pocket of my backpack. I chug it down before laying down on my bed. It seems silly that I'm so desperate to get my bladder full, but this is important business.

I grab my phone and decide to watch a new movie on Netflix while I'm waiting. Five minutes turns into ten and I feel my eyelids drooping as I become drowsy. Soon, I'm overcome by sleep.

* * *

I wake up to see my room much darker than it was before. I see my phone about to fall out of my hand and onto the carpet so I quickly adjust my position. Sitting up, I check the time. It's already past six. Boy, did I fall into a deep sleep. I must have been so tired.

Feeling the urge to relieve myself, I remember that I was about to take a pregnancy test before I fell asleep. Immediately, I head into the bathroom where I know it awaits me.

Three minutes have never felt so long. I purposely waited outside of the bathroom just to make sure that I wouldn't peek at the results beforehand. I take a deep breath in before letting it back out to calm myself before I discover what the truth really is. I enter the bathroom again and glance at the result. My eyes widen. 

* * *

Two days later, I make my way down the mostly empty hallway. As I get to a certain spot, a memory comes to my mind.

_I saw Justin standing with his friends in the hallway and I purposely looked somewhere else as I walked forward, not that he would even talk to me if he saw me. But then, he surprised me because he called my name._

_"Gina!"_

_I stopped and looked in his direction to see that he was jogging over to me._

_"Hey. Is there any way that we could change our tutoring session to tomorrow? I didn't realize that I had practice today."_

_"Oh, uh. Sure. That works for me," I told him._

_Usually, Mom's friend picked me up on the days that I didn't take the bus home. I was sure that she wouldn't mind me asking her if she could pick me up tomorrow instead of today._

_"Thanks. Oh, and can I have your phone for a second?"_

_I complied by taking it out of my back pocket and handing it to him._

_"There. Now you have my number and I have yours, in case we ever need to change our schedule again."_

_"Ooh, Justy. Who's this?" Suddenly, Bryce joined our conversation._

_I started getting nervous with him standing in front of me. I was accustomed to Justin's presence now, but something about Bryce made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the fact that he always acted as if he owned the entire school because he pretty much did._

_"She's just my tutor," Justin said and for some reason, hearing that really hurt. "I'll see you later, Gina."_

_I nodded, giving him a small smile._

_"Come on, Bryce. Let's go," Justin said, pushing his friend back to where the rest of their friends were._

I pass by Hannah's small but growing memorial in front of her old locker and I spend a moment to look at it. I hear a click and I turn my head to see Tyler pointing a camera at me. Suddenly, he crashes into the lockers and the next thing I know, Justin is furiously holding him by the neck.

"What the heck? Justin!" I quickly run over to pry him off, but he won't budge. He's too strong.

"What do you think you're doing?" Justin demands to know.

"I-I wanted to take a picture of the memorial," Tyler blubbers

"Yeah, but your fucking camera was pointed at my girlfriend."

"I just thought that it'd be nice to have a photo with a student in it. That's all, I swear."

"I don't care. Delete it," Justin orders and I watch with panic because I've never seen him this angry before. "Delete it right now or I'll smash your fucking camera."

"All right. All right." Justin finally lets him go and Tyler fumbles with his camera before showing it to him. "Okay. It's gone."

"Good," Justin says before grabbing my hand and pulling me away.

My shoulder bumps into the middle aged woman who's coming from the opposite direction of the hallway. Taking a quick glance at her, I get a feeling that she's Hannah's mother. Before I get the chance to apologize for bumping into her, Justin leads me away.

We stop when we get to an empty classroom. It's not that difficult finding one at this time since it's lunch break.

"What is wrong with you, Justin?" I question him. "You've been so defensive as of lately. With Clay and now Tyler. He was just taking a harmless picture."

"But there's more to that. You don't know what-" he stops midway. 

"What don't I know?"

He doesn't directly answer my question. "I just," he runs his hand through his dark locks, "I just want to be able to take care of you."

"You know you always do," I tell him in a softer voice this time because even though what he did was wrong, I understand that it came from a good place in his heart. "You always take care of me."

"Do I?" he repeats, looking down.

"Huh?" I frown.

"Nothing," he says. "Listen, I uh- needed to talk to you."

"Okay. What's going on?"

"There have been some rumors spreading since this morning."

"About?" I urge him to continue when he pauses.

"I'll just get straight to the point. Are you... pregnant?"

"What?"

"There are rumors going around that you're pregnant," he informs me.

"What?" I repeat again.

I try to think of who would have started that rumor until I realize that it was probably the other cashier, who had probably been watching the transaction as it happened. I didn't think of it much then, but she must have been a girl from Liberty.

"I just need for you to answer my question," he says, his eyes furrowed together. "Are you... pregnant?"

"No, I'm not," I tell him. "I'm not pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I took a pregnancy test at home and then I went to the doctor yesterday again just to be sure."

It was probably just the stress that was messing with my body. Well, that's what the doctor thinks anyway.

I can feel him exhaling with a load of relief. "Thank goodness."

I laugh bitterly. "I know."

"Gina," he says my name and I know that he is questioning my reaction. "This is a good thing, right?"

"Yeah," I quickly say. "Yeah, it is. It means that you're not stuck with me."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just because we're on this topic. I just want to know. What would you have done if I had been pregnant?"

"I would have stuck by your side and raised the baby with you, no doubt at all. Come on, Gina. I love you more than anyone or anything. I'd never want to leave you."

"Is that really how you feel?"

"Of course," he frowns. "Why would you doubt that?"

"Because..." I start with a bite of my lip. "You've been a stranger to me as of recently and I know I've sort of been like that with you too, but that was because I thought I was pregnant and I was freaking out... But you... I don't know. I felt like you didn't want to be with me anymore."

"No, no, no. Gina," he says, grabbing my hand. "That's not it. I just... needed some time to think."

"I think... I think I now understand."

"You... You do?"

"Yeah, after... losing Hannah, I guess a lot of us need some time to think."

* * *

_It was a week after Justin submitted his research essay._

_"Gina! I got an A on my paper," Justin told me with excitement on his face._

_"Nice job, Justin. I'm so proud of you!" I exclaimed._

_All of a sudden, I was engulfed into a big hug and I couldn't hide my surprise. Justin Foley was hugging me. Eventually, I hugged him back so that I wouldn't be awkwardly standing apart from him. One of the things that I noticed was how nice it felt to hug someone that I liked and that someone being him. He had to be at least six or seven inches taller than me and he easily surrounded me with his arms wrapped around my back. Another thing that I noticed was how nice he smelled. The cologne was a little too much, but it was a cool type of scent, something that I didn't mind._

_"It's all thanks to you," he said while pulling away from me._

_"No, it was you who wrote it. You're the one who did it!" I smiled._

_"_We _did it," he clarified. "So as a way to celebrate, how about I take you out?"_

_What the heck was going on? Was Justin asking me out or what? No, he had to be just wanting to treat me with some food out of thanks for helping him. But still, I didn't know if I had the courage to eat with a guy I had a crush on, as strange as that sounded._

_"I-I don't know if I'll have time," I made up an excuse._

_"I haven't even suggested a time though," he said with a raised eyebrow._

_I blushed, knowing that he had just caught me in a lie._

_"Don't be shy," he said with a smile. "I just want to treat you to some good food. Come on. Tell me what you like. Or how about you take some time to think about it and text me later? Does that sound okay?"_

_Feeling like I couldn't get myself to talk properly anymore, I wordlessly nodded._

_"Cool. Text me later, but don't take too long!" he grinned. _

_As he walked away, I saw a few of the girls nearby whispering to each other and I wondered what they were thinking._

_"Hey," I heard someone saying from behind me._

_It was Hannah._

_"Oh, hi," I said in response._

_I hadn't talked to her since I saw her at the party where I hung out with her, Kat, and Clay. After that photo that Justin had supposedly sent to the entire school of her that he took while they had sex, Hannah had been outcasted. It didn't make sense that a guy who could be sweet like Justin could do something like that. Or maybe that was just a show that he was putting on. Maybe he really wasn't sweet at all. But whatever the case was, I felt bad for Hannah who was the one being victimized. _

_I questioned myself. Why did I still like a guy who would send a private photo of a girl he went on a date with to the whole school? But then again, being around Hannah who was outcasted made me worry for myself. It was sad, but true. If I wanted to blend in with the crowd, I couldn't be seen around her._

_"So let me guess. Justin is taking you out somewhere?"_

_I nodded._

_She bit her lip, almost as if she was nervous to talk. "Listen, I know what you think of me and I just want you to know that you have it all wrong," she spoke quietly. "Everyone has it all wrong because Justin and I... we never had sex. I just thought you should know... That you should be careful. I don't want you to end up like me."_

* * *

Why did I not end up like her? Why her? And not me?

"You okay, babe?" Justin's voice takes me out of my thoughts.

I nod, trying to give him a convincing smile.

"Mm. I missed you so much." He hugs me and sways me playfully from side to side. "You have no idea how much I need you in my life."

"I need you too," I say before pulling back with a crinkle of my nose. "You smell like alcohol. Where were you last night?"

He sighs. "I was at Bryce's place. I've been staying over there for the past few days... because of Meth Seth."

I frown out of concern for Justin. I can't believe that his mom can be so careless. Doesn't she care about him? Her own precious son?

"It's nice of Bryce to let you stay over. I don't want you to have to go home and see _Meth Seth_," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

Justin cracked a smile when I said the last part because I mentioned it like it was the name of a villain. Meth Seth. He really was a villain.

"You know. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but once you get to know Bryce, he really isn't that ba-"

Justin prevents me from finishing my sentence by giving me a passionate kiss and I happily get lost into it.


	3. Chapter 3

_I could visualize Hannah's worried expression in my head as I remembered the exact words that she had said to me._

_"...I don't want you to end up like me."_

_I had no idea why her words scared me so much. Justin wasn't trying to get anything out of me, was he? I was just his tutor and he wanted to buy me food as a way to thank me. That had to be all._

_I was nudged in the shoulder. "Hey. What do you want to eat?" Justin asked, his blue eyes twinkling as he smiled down at me. He wasn't as tall as some of the other athletes at our school, but with me standing at 5 ft. 2 he had to be at least seven or eight inches taller than me. "Like I said, it's my treat."_

_I ended up ordering my go-to choice at Monet's, the Mushroom Grilled Cheese Panini. Justin ordered some kind of sandwich I think, but I was too distracted to notice the specifics. It wasn't every day that a popular guy from school took me out to eat._

_Justin led me over to a table by the window and he looked around the cafe before taking a seat. I followed his action. "I haven't been here before. This place is actually pretty nice."_

_I nodded, giving him a small smile. I couldn't imagine him being in a quiet and cozy place like this with any of his friends. I knew that my thoughts sounded so judgmental then, but it was hard to ignore the fact that he and I were total opposites._

_What were we doing?_

_What was I doing?_

_I had even lied to Mom, telling her that I was tutoring a student at the library again, only to come here after school with Justin. It felt so wrong to lie to her._

_I never lied._

"_You mentioned earlier that you moved here in middle school. What made you come here from the city?" he asked before adding, "If you don't mind me asking."_

"_Well, my parents got divorced when I was in sixth grade and my mom thought that it would be a good idea for us to move here. It was like a fresh start after my dad... decided to leave us for another woman."_

_I couldn't believe that I was talking so much on my own. Since when had I felt so comfortable talking in front of Justin? And why had I decided to tell him the truth rather than making up some sort of different answer? I hadn't talked about my parents' divorce to anyone before. But then again, I hadn't had anyone around me to tell the story in the first place._

"_I'm sorry-"_

_I cut him off. "It's okay. I'm totally over it. Um, how about we talk about you before I end up bringing down the mood even further?"_

"_Sure. What questions do you have for me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me playfully._

"_Hmm... Let's see. Have you lived here your whole life?"_

"_Yup," he nodded. "Born and raised."_

"_You can't use that phrase," I pointed out with a grin. "Not when you're still an adolescent."_

"_True, but you get the idea," he laughed._

_I nodded this time. "So what's your family like? Do you have any siblings?"_

_There was a flash of discomfort on his face and I immediately regretted asking him the question. Did he not want to talk about it? Before I could say something to prevent him from answering my questions, he replied._

"_No siblings," he shook his head. "It's just me... and my mom."_

_That was all I got out of him and I didn't push any further._

"_You know, you should come to a game some time. Football season is gonna be over soon," he informed._

_Personally, I didn't like football. I didn't understand the rules at all, but did I really know much about any sport? Maybe not knowing the rules wasn't my real excuse of not wanting to go to a game. Maybe I didn't want to step out of my comfort zone and a football game was exactly that._

_I had missed homecoming this year, but I had missed last year's too. I wondered whom Justin had taken to the homecoming dance. He had to have gone and if so, he probably had had a date. Maybe it had been Robin. I had seen the two of them flirting with each other during that time. I didn't know if it was a fling or what, but these days I didn't seen Justin with her or any particular girl at all._

_Ugh. I sounded like such a stalker. I had barely paid attention to Justin before I started tutoring him, but now I was often thinking about him. It was bad. Couldn't I just have a crush on a regular guy? Someone that I could actually approach confidently with my feelings?_

"_Come on. You should come cheer for me at my next game."_

"_Aren't the cheerleaders there to do that for you?" I asked and to my surprise, he rolled his eyes—something that made it seem like we were much closer than we actually were._

"_They're different though. They're not you."_

_My heart fluttered in my chest at his response. "And what am I?" I carefully asked._

"_My new friend," he replied with a bright smile._

_I was friend-zoned but with Justin, I was content with even that._

_He continued speaking. "Let's make a deal. You come watch me at a game and I'll come see you at your orchestra concert." His gaze briefly travelled down to my violin case, which was set aside next to my backpack near my feet._

_I raised an eyebrow. "But I never asked for you to come see me at an orchestra concert."_

"_And you don't have to ask because I'm offering to go," he responded with a teasing smile._

_It wasn't a total mystery that he was so popular with the girls at our school when he behaved so attractively like this. How was I supposed to say no to a face like that?_

_"You sure about that? I don't think you'd enjoy it," I said, trying to get him to give up on the idea._

_I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of my crush coming to watch me play. What if I messed up on my solo? That would be even more embarrassing than making a mistake in front of just the usual audience, which was comprised of normally just moms, dads, brothers, sisters, and grandparents._

_"How do you know?" he asked, crossing his arms. "I could end up having the best time of my life."_

_I had no idea why he was so desperate to get me into agreeing to the deal that he was making, but I eventually gave in._

"_Fine. Fine."_

_I guessed I didn't have to worry about what Hannah had said to me anymore... Because to Justin, I was just a friend. But why did I still feel uneasy?_

"_Justin, can I ask you about... Hannah?"_

_He looked caught off guard for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Why do you want to talk about her?"_

"_Because... I want to hear the truth from you."_

"_What do you mean by that?"_

"_She told me the other day that the rumors about her aren't true and I think that I believe her..."_

"_So then you already know the truth. That we didn't really have sex," Justin said and although I had been expecting his answer, I was still shocked._

_Justin. Oh, sweet Justin._

_Why would he do that?_

_With how nice he had been to me so far, I couldn't imagine him being involved in destroying a girl's reputation like that, but then with the kind of guys that he hung out with, I could imagine it at the same time._

"_But why?" I leaned forward and spoke quietly, in case anyone could hear us._

_I didn't know why I was trying to protect someone like him in the first place. Why did hearing that he had ruined Hannah's reputation like that not make me run away from him already?_

_"Why would you ever do something so horrible like that?"_

"_Okay. I know I did play a part in the Hannah thing, but I'm not responsible for all of it in its entirety," he quickly said. "It was Bryce. I was showing him and the other guys the pictures that I took of Hannah and they were asking me how far I'd gotten with her... I just- I just kind of let them put words into my mouth and then it just sort of happened. Bryce took my phone from out of my hand and he sent out a photo to a couple of people... then it ended up reaching the rest of the school. I didn't mean for it to become like that. I still feel terrible about it... Does hearing all of this make you hate me?"_

"_I... I don't know how I feel right now, Justin," I admitted. "I was almost a hundred percent sure that Hannah was telling the truth, but a strange part of me wished that she wasn't. I guess I just wished that you could be better than that."_

_He looked down at the table, seemingly ashamed._

"_You should apologize to her."_

"_Yeah, I should," he nodded. "I actually have been for the past few weeks, but it's hard to talk to her."_

_I realized that Hannah probably thought that Justin had sent out the pictures on his own when in fact it was Bryce who had done that part. Although what Justin did was much lighter compared to Bryce, overall, it all came back to bite Justin in the ass._

"_You could have stepped up and resisted," I told him._

_He shook his head. "I couldn't have."_

"_Why?"_

"_Sometimes... You just have to do things to fit in."_

_Hearing those words from him was disturbing because I related to him. While I was hiding away from the crowd to fit in, Justin was throwing himself into the middle of it. But we shared the same goal. We were just trying to survive._

* * *

Justin and I enter Bryce's home together. He's still staying here for the time being and it's apparently fine because Bryce's parents aren't even home. It's not even surprising anymore. Since the parents are out of town, Justin borrowed one of the cars at the luxurious home and we took it to buy some groceries. The trip felt like a sigh of relief for the two of us. I caught Justin smiling genuinely a few times and it made me happy. I wish I could see him smiling more often these days.

"What can I do to help?" he asks as I set up the ingredients on the kitchen countertops.

"You don't have to do anything," I tell him. "Today, I am cooking and you are resting."

"Resting?"

"Yeah, you look so tired these days. You make me worried."

"Don't be. I'm okay," he assures. "Besides, you look tired too."

"Hmm," I say with a chuckle. "I guess we've both been missing out on sleep."

My choice of words must have reminded Justin of the pregnancy scare. "I never got the chance to ask. What made you think that you were... pregnant?"

"Well, I was late for my period, which had been pretty consistent over the past few months and I thought I was experiencing some symptoms too... So then with how much we'd been, you know..."

Why am I suddenly feeling so shy?

"Yeah... We _were_ having a lot of sex over the summer," he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"We were," I confirm seriously in contrast, "and I just thought that maybe it was possible. It was weird. I don't know, but I'm relieved that we're not having a baby right now. I mean, we are practically still babies."

Justin laughs in response. "Yeah, we're definitely not ready. Let me find a stable job and buy us a house first, then we can start having kids."

I appreciate that Justin is thinking of us like that. It's refreshing to hear when Mom keeps talking about college even though to me, it sounds far away. I get why she keeps bringing it up though. Time is going to fly by quickly. Next year, I'll have to start applying for universities and that makes me nervous. Mom tells me often that Justin and I won't be together forever, but I'd like to prove her wrong. Well, I hope so anyway.

"I think I can settle with that," I smile before it fades away. My eyes suddenly begin to tear up.

Damn it. These onions.

"Ow, my eyes are burning," I cry out as I put down the knife.

"Move aside. I'll take over from here," Justin says and I switch places with him.

"How romantic. My knight in shining armor, saving me from these vicious onions."

"'Tis the evidence of my undying love for thee!"

* * *

_I felt upset the entire day and the reason behind why seemed unreasonable and reasonable at the same time. Was I overreacting again?_

_I heard his familiar voice calling my name and I chose to ignore it as payback. However, he didn't give up on me._

"_Gina. Wait. Can we please talk?"_

_His hand wrapped around my wrist and turned me around._

"_About what?" I asked._

"_Look, I'm sorry-"_

"_You don't have to apologize, Justin. I get it. You're too embarrassed to be seen with someone like me in front of your friends."_

_He fervently shook his head. "No, that's not true. I'm not embarrassed. Not at all. Where would you get that from?"_

"_I don't know, Justin. Maybe because you chose to ignore me? I thought we were friends, but I guess I was wrong."_

"_We are friends," he clarified._

"_But only outside of school?" I finished for him._

"_Can you stop saying stuff like that? I only ignored you in front of my friends because I don't want you to get too close and get hurt. My friends are... they like to play rough. You know what Bryce decided to do with Hannah. I don't want him to take advantage of us... of you."_

"_Then why do you still hang out with him?"_

"_Because he's been my friend since we were kids. It's complicated, but he's done a lot for me."_

_I let out a sigh, feeling a little better about the situation now that he had explained._

_"Will you forgive me?" he pouted and I almost blurted out how cute I thought he looked. "Can we still be friends?"_

"_Yes," I said, a little too fast for my dignity. "But if we're going to be friends, then we're friends 24/7."_

"_Okay. I agree," he nodded. "That means that my friends are going to start approaching you too out of curiosity. But I promise... I'll protect you."_

* * *

"Mm mm mm. Whatever it is that you're cooking smells so good," Marcus says as he enters the kitchen followed by Zach and then Bryce.

"Is that bulgogi?" Zach asks.

Marcus looks confused. "What's that?"

"Korean barbeque," Zach explains.

"Yes, it is indeed," I answer as I set down the main dish in front of them.

"Gina, you should come over more often and make us food," Bryce says. "You're a great cook."

For some reason, I feel offended by his choice of words. I can't help but hear it as if he's telling me that a woman's place should be in the kitchen where she can make a sandwich. I don't know if I'm just overreacting or not, but I can never tell if Bryce is being genuine or not. Sometimes, he seems pure evil—the biggest dickhead in our school. But at other times, he seems like a good friend to Justin.

Bryce Walker. Who are you?


End file.
